The Journey of FREEDOM

Where do I even begin?
His Word changes everything.  Everything!  Actually, let me back up a bit…
You see, I wasn’t raised going to any particular church.  I went to church a few times, but it was mostly to get out of the house on a Sunday or Wednesday.  So, whatever church I found myself in, would be a different flavor each time.  I really didn’t know what to believe.
Most of my early years, like some of you, were spent ‘wandering aimlessly’ and making a mess of my life.  And since my days were spent that way, LIFE was elusive, always beyond my grasp. 
Was my life to be ENDURED or ENJOYED?  I just didn’t know.  I managed somehow to hold out hope that surely I’d find joy or peace, or whatever it was I seemed to always be lacking…someday.  My highs and lows kept me in a tailspin.  I held onto the thought ‘someday I’ll be happy’ even to the extent of hoping that by the milk’s expiration date, I just might be happy!  Someday.
Sounds desperate, right?  I was.
My husband’s job kept us moving for many years.  My husband is a loyal, loving, giving provider for our family.  He also travels quite a bit.  With all these moves, trying to find a ‘church home’ and a place to fit in while raising 1,2,3 and then 4 babies was really, really tough. 
I found myself on my bed one day, with my first two little ones crying in the background.  I was crying right along with them.  I had The Word of God cracked open and things were very fuzzy to me, spiritually, emotionally.  I had so many questions!  Where’s all this ‘close communion’ with others that I’m reading in these pages of The Bible?  I sure didn’t feel it…even though I went to church.  I was lonely.  I had the occasional good feeling when I was at church.  But, I couldn’t hold onto it…something always happened.  I had to go home.  To me.  I couldn’t escape me! 
I remember also reading that day about how I’m supposed to ‘love the LORD God with all my heart, all my being and all my resources’ (Deuteronomy 6).  I was so angry!  I was like, ‘Ummmm, I’m supposed to love YOU like that?  I don’t even know if I like You!  I don’t even know if You are.  And, IF YOU ARE, WHAT ARE YOU going to do about this?
Something incredible happened that day.  First of all, HE didn’t kill me.  I in fact lived to tell about it.  And come to find out, HE had been waiting on me to express to HIM how I really felt…and what HE already saw.  HE LOVED ME.  HE PUT UP WITH ME.  HE DESIGNED ME.  And mostly, HE wanted to change me into the Kingdom Woman HE prescribed that I be(come)!
Fast forward to today, some seventeen years later.  I’m convinced it was because of my BEING COMPLETELY and TRANSPARENTLY RAW before my Father on that day that HE DID something LIFE-ALTERING! 
It was out of that darkness and despair that HE set me on The Journey of Freedom.  It was because of that darkness that I sought out and found LIGHT in His Word, by His Ruach (Spirit).  I began to gobble up His Word in every translation I could get my hands on!  I had countless Bibles laying all over my bed that I returned to periodically throughout the day as I cared for my little ones.  Whatever ‘quiet time’ I had, I returned to those books contrasting and comparing the translations.  I discovered they were each a little different, although they basically carried similar thoughts.  Why?  I wondered.  So, I kept searching, digging…
 Eventually, His Spirit led me down the path of digging past the English surface.  I knew there was more.  I knew I required more.  I needed His Presence, His healing, His Sustaining Word.  I needed A SANE MIND (for the sake of all things HOLY!) in order to do this thing called ‘wifing, parenting…living’.
When Yeshua, tired and hungry – though HE was God – was tempted in the wilderness by our Adversary, HE told him ‘It is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of ADONAI”.   Jesus, God, The Living Word (Torah!) Himself was quoting directly from The Torah (Deuteronomy 8).
Did you read that?  HE humbled me and let me hunger and then HE fed me with His Heavenly Bread (that I didn’t know even existed!); in order to make me, Carmen, KNOW/UNDERSTAND that I do not LIVE by mere worldly bread, but BY EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT OF THE MOUTH OF YHWH. 
Let His Ruach feed your starving soul.
His Spirit was always speaking to me, throwing out His ‘cord of hope’ (tikvah) for me to take hold of.  It was my very darkness that HE used to show me His Light.  Since NOTHING IN THIS WORLD is able satisfy the heart that ‘longs to be ONE with ADONAI again’, HE so tenderly and generously GIVES US HIS MANNA TO LIVE BY each day.
I’ve been studying and/or teaching ‘Torah’ now for about 14 years.   Torah is the ‘First Five Books’ of our Bible.  But, ‘Torah’ is so much more!  Torah literally means ‘instruction’ and it comes from the root word ‘yarah’, which is an archery term meaning to HIT THE MARK.  There is much to be discovered, my Friends, in the Hebrew that is completely missed in the English. 
Think of ‘Torah’ as God’s Instruction for you (that’s what It is!), from Genesis to Revelation.  God’s Instruction BRINGS YOU LIFE.  When you HIT THE MARK, you’re walking that narrow, difficult path that LEADS TO LIFE.  When you miss the mark, you MISS OUT.  (You don’t walk this journey alone by the way!) Digging deep into this Living Word does something to you.  It directly confronts you with Truth that’s designed to SET YOU FREE. 
Freedom is progressive…but so is slavery.
‘Why didn’t someone teach me this?’,  I wondered in these early years of ‘hearing Him speak’.  There’s another archery term ‘chata’ that means to miss the mark.  That word shows up for the first time in Genesis 4:7
 I was really good at that one!
Hebrews 11:6 says this:
Hebrews 11:6 – NAS – And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6 – WH – χωρις δε πιστεως αδυνατον ευαρεστησαι (5658) πιστευσαι (5658) γαρ δει (5719) τον προσερχομενον (5740) {Variant #1: [τω] } {Variant #2: τω } θεω οτι εστιν (5719) και τοις εκζητουσιν(5723) αυτον μισθαποδοτης γινεται (5736)
Do you see that tiny word ‘seek’?  It’s actually ‘ekzeteo’ (Greek) and it means ‘crave, demand, require’.  THIS is the kind of faith that our Father God REWARDS!  And don’t worry if you don’t CRAVE HIM like that.  You will.  As you keep digging deeper, your craving grows!  It transforms from a worldly unsatisfying craving to a most fulfilling Heavenly Craving.  The more your craving of His Living Word grows, the more LIFE you receive!  It’s mysterious Kingdom LIFE in the Spirit!  It’s not on the other side of the milk jug’s expiration date.  It’s HERE.  Now.  Waiting for you to TAKE HOLD OF.   
In my quest for happiness on this earth, I found my purpose in The Living Text.  In fact, PURPOSE is the root of all true ‘happy’ (blessed) fruit.  I’m here, you’re here to ‘be conformed to the Image of Yeshua’ (Romans 8:29) by bearing much fruit (John 15:8).
HE desires ONENESS with us because our role as Kingdom Women is of MUCH importance!  Stay close. 
And today, I still search.  I still dig.  I understand who I am only because HE’s taught me Who HE is.   HE’s still teaching.  I’m still learning…but not alone.
And yet we don’t come into agreement with His Word all by ourselves.  We do so within a group of trusted friends and companions who each understand their Spirit-filled role, which is to ‘tend, feed, and nourish’ others within the flock.  It’s a Titus 2:3-5 shepherding calling. 
Remember Lazarus?   (John 11) Yes, the one who stank after four days of death and whose sisters were highly upset that Yeshua didn’t show up in time to prevent this tragedy?  What happened?  Yeshua raised him up FROM THE STENCH OF DEATH and could’ve easily added ‘Be unbound!’ and those disgusting linen strips would’ve fallen straight to the ground.  But HE didn’t do that, did HE?  No, HE looked at the community and said ‘Unbind him and let him go!’
That’s what YOU are called to.  You’re CALLED-OUT to be raised from death, unboundat the hands of another, and then return the blessed favor in the power of His Ruach (Spirit).  There are many bound souls in our midst!
So, how many days since you died?  How many days since HE raised you up?  And furthermore, why are you still bound in those smelly strips of linen?  Hopping around blind ain’t fun!  Perhaps you’re still bound because you refuse to let anyone touch your strips of linen?  That certainly requires a bit of necessary humbling and vulnerability.
Our high calling as Mereas is to continue UNBINDING one another as we ‘grow in faith and increase in love’ (2 Thessalonians 1:3).
Oh, I still have bouts of sadness and some anxiety from time to time.  (I have four kids and one husband!)  BUT, I KNOW THE TRUTH.  I confront myself with Truth daily in order to live freely.  And thus, I’ve learned to COME INTO AGREEMENT WITH YESHUA, ‘TORAT CHAYIM’ (The Living Word) and not my emotions.  This, my Friends, IS FREEDOM.  This, Mereas, is ‘choosing right, choosing well that I may hold my head high’! (Genesis 4:7)
In essence, FREEDOM IS THIS: 
Coming into AGREEMENT WITH GOD’S WORD, mastering that which desires to master you, and allowing the faithful hands of trusted companions to UNBIND you strip by funky strip…
This is what ‘being conformed to the Image of Yeshua’ is.  Join the JOURNEY.
Falling in love with God’s Word and falling in love with God’s people is AN EXPERIENCE you were designed for.
And I haven’t even mentioned ‘The Beginning’…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top